LYRICS!

“TURNED OUT NICE 

AGAIN!”

          An iNterAcTive 

iNStALLAtION

                                                  by

                                         KeN BarReTt

                     massive live portraiture/formby memory bank/film clips

               bring-your-uke-n-singalong 3.0pm Saturday 20^th Feb

                                             s

             Tuesday 16^th-Saturday 20^th February 2010

               The Exchange, Princes Street, Penzance, Cornwall, TR18 2NL

NB: FOR A PDF OF UKELELE TAB EMAIL ME AT kenbarrett80@yahoo.com

WITH MY LITTLE STICK OF BLACK ROCK

Every year when summer comes round, 

off to the sea I go.
I don't care if I do spend a pound,

 I'm rather rash I know.
See me dressed like all the sports, 

in my blazer and a pair of shorts.

With my little stick of Blackpool Rock, 

along the promenade I stroll.
It may be sticky but I never complain, 

it's nice to have a nibble at it now and again


Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock.

One afternoon the band conductor up on his stand


Somehow lost his baton - it flew out of his hand


So I jumped in his place and then conducted the band


With my little stick of Blackpool Rock

With my little stick of Blackpool Rock, along the promenade I stroll,


In my pocket it got stuck I could tell


‘Cos when I pulled it out I pulled my shirt off as well


Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock

.

A girl while bathing clung to me, my wits I'd to use


She cried, "I'm drowning, and to save me, you won't refuse"


I said, "Well if you’re drowning then I don't want to lose


My little stick of Blackpool Rock."

With my little stick of Blackpool Rock, along the promenade I stroll


In the ballroom I went dancing each night


No wonder every girl that danced with me, stuck to me tight

Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock.


A fellow took my photograph it cost one and three.


I said when it was done, "Is that supposed to be me?"


"You've properly mucked it up the only thing I can see is


My little stick of Blackpool Rock."

WHEN I'M CLEANING WINDOWS

Now I go window cleaning to earn an honest bob.


For a nosey parker it's an interesting job


Now it's a job that just suits me, a window cleaner you will be.


If you could see what I can see


When I'm cleaning windows.

Honeymooning couples too,

you should see them bill and coo.


You'd be surprised at things they do


When I'm cleaning windows.

In my profession I work hard, but I'll never stop.


I'll climb this blinking ladder ‘til I get right to the top.

The blushing bride she looks divine,

the bridegroom he is doing fine


I'd rather have his job than mine


When I'm cleaning windows.



The chambermaid sweet names I call,

it's a wonder I don't fall.


My minds not on my work at all


When I'm cleaning windows

 In my profession I'll work hard, but I'll never stop.


I'll climb this blinking ladder ‘til I get right to the top.

Pyjamas lying side by side, ladies nighties I have spied.


I've often seen what goes inside,

when I'm cleaning windows.

In my profession I'll work hard, but I'll never stop.


I'll climb this blinking ladder ‘til I get right to the top.

At eight o'clock a girl she wakes,

at five past eight a bath she takes.


At ten-past eight my ladder breaks


When I'm cleaning windows.

LEANING ON A LAMPOST

I’m leaning on a lamp, maybe you think I look a tramp,


Or you may think I’m hanging round to steal a car.


But no, I’m not a crook, and if you think that’s what I look,


I’ll tell you why I’m here and what my motives are.

I’m leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street


In case a certain little lady comes by,


Oh me, oh my, I hope the little lady comes by.


I don’t know if she’ll get away, she doesn’t always get away,


But anyhow I know that she’ll try,


Oh me, oh my,I hope that little lady comes by.

There’s no other girl I would wait for,


But this one I’d break any date for,


I won’t have to ask what she’s late for.


She wouldn’t leave me flat, she’s not a girl like that.


Oh she’s absolutely wonderful and marvelous and beautiful


And anyone can understand why,


I’m leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street,


In case a certain little lady passes by.

CHINESE LAUNDRY BLUES

Now Mr. Wu was a laundry man in a shop with an old green door.


He'll iron all day your linen away, he really makes me sore.


He's lost his heart to a Chinese girl and his laundry's all gone wrong.


All day he'll flirt, scorch your shirt, that's why I'm singing this song.


Oh Mr. Wu, what shall I do,

I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues.



This funny feeling keeps round me stealing


Oh won’t you throw your sweetheart over do.


My vest's so short that it won't fit my little brother.


And my new Sunday shirt has got a perforated rudder.


Mr. Wu, what shall I do 


I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues.

Now Mr. Nu, he's got a naughty eye that flickers.


You ought to see it wobble when he's ironing ladies blouses.


Mr. Wu, what shall I do,

I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues.



Now Mr. Wu, he's got a laundry kind of tricky,


He'll starch my shirts and collars but he'll never touch my waistcoat..


Mr. Wu, what shall I do,

I'm feeling kind of Limehouse Chinese Laundry Blues.

IN MY LITTLE SNAPSHOT ALBUM

Now I’m a young inventor, a chap with good ideas,

I’ve built myself a camera, it took me years and years.


It’s a wonderful invention with special x-ray tricks,


It can take a picture in the dark and can even see through bricks.


I bought myself an album and filled it up with snaps,


And I’ve got some lovely pictures of the local girls and chaps.Now I’ve

got a picture of the girl next door,

in my little snapshot album,


And I’ve never had a better snap before,

in my little snapshot album.


The night was dark and the hour was late,


She was kissing her boy by the garden gate,


Wouldn’t she love to see page eight, in my little snapshot album.



And I’ve got a picture of my old granddad,

in my little snapshot album.


He’s over eighty but a real bad lad, in my little snapshot album


Although he’s an old antique,
he thinks he’s still the village sheik,


I’ve got him dancing cheek to cheek in my little snapshot album.

Now I’ve got a picture of the vicar’s wife,

in my little snapshot album.


Chasing the Curate with a carving knife

in my little snapshot album.
Now what he did was all in fun


But it’s not the kind of thing that’s done,


I can see he pinched her hot-cross bun, in my little snapshot album.

And I’ve got a picture of a nudist camp,

in my little snapshot album,
All very jolly but a trifle damp,

in my little snapshot album.
There’s Uncle Dick without a care,

discarding all his underwear,


But his watch and chain still dangle there,

in my little snapshot album.

AUNTIE MAGGIES REMEDY

Now there’s all sorts of medicines that you can buy


No matter what ailment you’ve got


But I know a special one you ought to try


You’ll find it’s the best of the lot



It’s my Auntie Maggie’s home made remedy

it’s guaranteed never to fail


That’s the stuff that will do the trick


It’s sold at every chemist for "one and a kick".



Now if you’ve got lumbago, rheumatics or gout,


Or a pain in your Robert E. Lee


Don’t kick up a shindy,  you’ll never get windy
 

With my Auntie Maggie’s Remedy

If you set your alarm clock for eight in the morning


You’re bound to wake up I’ll agree


But I’ll bet you by heaven, you’ll wake up at seven


With my Auntie Maggie’s Remedy



In a young lady’s bedroom I went by mistake


My intentions were honest you see


She shouted with laughter, "I know what you’re after, 


it’s my Auntie Maggie’s Remedy."

Oh my Auntie Maggie’s home made remedy,


It’s guaranteed never to fail


That’s the stuff that will do the trick


It’s sold at every chemist for "one and a kick".



Now I went to a doctor, I wasn’t too well


And he made me lie on a settee

He said "There’s trouble brewing, you’ve been overdoing

Your Auntie Maggie’s Remedy."

Now I know a girl who was putting on weight,


In a spot where it just shouldn’t be


So I said to Nellie, "Now you rub your – ankle,


With Auntie Maggie’s Remedy."